How Much Do You Like Yourself?

Clearly, I am an ideal candidate for this. Where do I sign up?
Sounds interesting and it's a ton of money, but it's a bit too weird for me. I'll pass.
Who in their right mind would want my loser DNA to make a child? The last thing this world needs is another me in it.
I guess I could apply, because I could use the money. But I doubt I'm what they're looking for.

I don't have anyone that I would feel comfortable waking up for something like that. I would probably just sleep in my car until daylight, then figure out what to do next.
I update my FB status with a fun contest post! Whoever comments first can come and get me!
I call a close family member. I would never inconvenience someone else like that!
My significant other or my best friend.

I walk straight into his office and confront him. I'm a great employee and deserve to get paid more, just like he promised.
I schedule a meeting with him ASAP to discuss the issue.
I don't say anything and hope he eventually remembers by himself.
I send an email explaining my financial situation, and politely ask him to think about raising my salary whenever it's convenient for him.

The team's captains are intimidated by me. That would explain how someone like me would get picked last.
I feel horrible, but I pretend not to care.
I feel excited and motivated to play harder. I'm about to knock their socks off with my frisbee golf skills. Let's do this!
I wouldn't have expected anything different, this is my life.

I know I'm acting irrationally, but I can't help myself from calling my ex nonstop, leaving crazy voice mails, and stalking his or her social media pages.
I'm devastated. That relationship was the only good thing I had going for me, and now it's gone.
I'm sad, but not lonely! I'll call my friends to come over and help me keep my mind off of my ex.
I'm going to convince my ex to get back together, just so I can break it off myself for good. Nobody dumps me!

I immediately look for something to criticize them about, in return.
I feel incredibly embarrassed and excuse myself to the restroom to look in the mirror.
I can't help but feel like a total idiot. I'm way too embarrassed to ever speak with that person again.
I laugh it off and thank him or her for letting me know. Then I forget all about it.

Where are my sweatpants? I'll just wear those from now on.
I have no idea what's going on. The dryer must have shrunk them to a smaller size.
I might have been underdoing it at the gym and overdoing it in the kitchen. I'll have to work on that.
I feel fat, fat, fat. That's what's going on. Time to start the diet again!